A Word on Pain

So I now have to blog about my last race for a couple of reasons:

1. It's been long enough that the pain isn't so fresh in my mind and I can actually bear thinking about it long enough to write about it

2. My next race is in the morning! Aaah!

I did the Top of Utah half marathon on August 28th, 2010. I was SO excited for this race because so many have said it is their fav for a handful of reasons. The race coordinators run it so well, the course is beautiful and gently downhill out of a gorgeous canyon, etc. etc. I had wanted to do this one for awhile.

I had finally gotten to the point in my running where just jogging a half marathon wasn't much of a challenge anymore. I had run enough half marathons that I was moving on from the "let's just finish the race" mentality to the "let's get a good time" mentality. Since I finished the Snow Canyon race a year before that in 2:02 I decided under 2 hours was a good goal, which for me is a very speedy pace. Since focusing on speed in my training, finishing under 2 hours has always been a dream and a seemingly lofty goal. Well, all of my hopes and dreams came to a crashing "whack in the knee"-like halt when I ran my final long run of 14 miles 2 weeks before the race and decided to mess up my IT band. The next 2 weeks before the race were pure, emotional agony as I went back and forth on "can I even do the race", "should I run today or stay off of it and hope that helps it heal", etc. I read every running forum, every Runner's World article, and every Jeff Galloway webpage I could find on ITBS. Long story short, I limped through and made it to a day just like where I am sitting today, staring down the face of 13.1 in the morning and being absolutely terrified.

The race was in Logan so Ryan, Will, and I went up and slept in a hotel. That is a whole different and funny tale cause that was the one night Will decided not to go to bed of course since I couldn't go in a different room and I had to wake up at 4:30 the next morning. I found myself lying there, with Will standing next to me in his pack 'n play shining his flashlight in my face making funny noises and me looking over at the alarm to see that it was 11:30 pm and I just thought, what am I DOING here?!?!?

Fast forward to the race. The course was indeed beautiful. The race coordinators were spectacular in putting on a well organized race. The weather was a gift from the heavens that day. Everything couldn't have been more perfect...er...oh yeah besides the knee thing. I don't have many details about the race itself besides the fact that it. was. so. painful. The rest is really a blur. I was so excited about reaching my goal, and even after my injury I thought that maybe I could push through the pain and just do it. I quickly realized how very wrong I was. I have never walked through a race so much in my life. I can't remember exactly, but it was around mile 10 I believe that I just started walking and nearly broke out in tears thinking how am I ever going to make it 3 more miles when I am limping and can barely walk?!

At one point a runner passing me asked if I wanted her to help me pace. She must have thought I was just having a hard time finishing Little did she know. I told her no thanks that I was injured, not struggling, and she continued on. But that is an example of how awesomely supportive runners are. I love those kinds of experiences during races. In one of my SLC Half races during the dreaded mile 12 uphill trudge on state street, right as I was getting close to the top of the hill and was really losing my steam, a woman comes right up beside me and starts jogging with me all the while giving me motivation and inspirational words of encouragement. She was in a jersey and had clearly been doing the bike tour or even the half marathon maybe and just finished and was watching the runners to cheer them on and give them encouragement on that horrible climb. When she saw me she decided it would be fun to help me up the hill. I really consider her my angel that day, cause I don't know if I could have finished that hill without her. When we got to the top she said ok you got it from here and let me go on my way and turned back, no doubt to help another poor little struggling runner like myself. Even as I write it I am in tears, just as I was for that last mile after she left me. Thinking about her kindness carried me through the pain. I never saw her again and will never get a chance to thank her, but I hope I can follow her example by helping those around me who are struggling, runners and non-runners alike.

Any way, back to the TOU race. I DID finish those last 3 miles, albeit with much more walking and a whole lot more pain than I ever dreamed of. This was the first race that Ryan's family had come to watch me finish. As I came down the road and crossed the finish line and saw them cheering me on, I was jog-limping and right as I crossed it I burst out in tears. Wasn't my finest moment. I usually cry at the end of races, but normally it is from happiness and accomplishment.

At the end of the day, I learned so many things from this experience. I have always just been able to pick up and run long distances with no prior training. My friend Liz always made that comment about me in high school when we would run together. I have always taken my running ability for granted cause I have never been injured. Or hadn't been until last fall. Now that it's been a number of months and multiple physical therapy visits later, I feel so much more seasoned as a runner. I know I am still a baby in the running world and have lots to learn, but I am grateful for the ways I have grown and the following things I have learned:

A. I have learned to respect the pain. Recognize where it's coming from and do something about it. Don't abuse your body.

B. It's ok to fail. It just gives you that motivation you need to push harder next time and is what makes us all stronger.

C. There IS, indeed, a "next time". I am always so focused on the race at hand that I get so downtrodden when I think about how I have worked so hard and it's all for nothing if I can't reach my goal in this race. The reality is that we have eternity to learn and grow, so keep pushing on.

D. Negative self talk will get ya nowhere, and fast.

I probably learned other things too but this entry is just getting too long and my brain is done. I am excited about my race tomorrow and what another race morning will bring. I am not nearly as prepared as I would like to be at this point, and it honestly does scare me a little, but I have learned enough to be at peace about it. I know that there will be other races, and all I can do tomorrow is my best and enjoy the moments I have in front of me... mile 12 towering hill or otherwise :)

Here are my stats from the TOU half. Probably one of my worst races in terms of time but best in terms of education:

TOP OF UTAH HALF MARATHON

08/28/10

Racer Number: 222

Gender: F

Age: 28

Chip Time Information
Actual Start Time:	07:11:03.577
Stop Time:	09:26:07.606
Chip Time:	02:15:04.0

Overall Placing

Place: 1218 out of 2013

Gender Placing

Place: 743 out of 1385

Division Placing

F 25-29 Place: 159 out of 276

I saw this picture and just had to laugh. This horrible picture of me is so fitting of how I felt at that moment! It could not have been more perfect to capture how I felt.

Here's to hoping tomorrow ends with a better photo!